EPISODE 15: HOW TO HAVE HARD CONVERSATIONS

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Hello Friends and welcome back to the Is That Soh Podcast!

For today’s episode, I thought I would do a little solo show and talk about one theme that I feel has been brought up time and time again throughout the first half of this season. They are situation that occurs in everyone’s life where tough topics need to be discussed and although we may hate to have discussions about them, they are a necessary part of life. So that is why I thought I’d devote today’s episode to developing a playbook oh how to make having them a little bit easier.

If you hate conflict and avoid it as much as possible, know that you are not alone. According to a Harvard Business Review, 67% of managers are uncomfortable talking to the people they manage - and that’s literally their job. However, it is important to understand that conflict avoidance robs you of your energy, power, and emotional freedom, and does not serve you in any way which is why learning how to get conformable having hard conversations is the only way to find relief from a stressful situation!

I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I did! Feel free to leave your thought below!

Also, special thanks to Mattias Friberg for composing the music for this podcast and perfecting my sound!

- Episode Recap -

Learning to sit with yourself and comb through your thoughts - be honest with yourself and acknowledge the need for the conversations
Prep!
- define your ideal outcome
- rehearse with a friend
- choose your language wisely
- watch your body language
Set ground rules
- allow each other time to speak while the other listens - no interrupting!
- name calling, throwing objects, and swearing are off-limits
- allow time out or the ability to initiate a pauses
Be okay with possibly being wrong - You may have misinterpreted the situation or have the wrong information and therefore things aren’t as black and white as you may have originally thought, and that’s okay.
Be honest and straightforward - use specific examples making sure to watch your tone and the words you use so you don't come off accusatory.
Acknowledge your responsibilities and avoidance in dealing with the conflict sooner
Be empathetic, listen and validate - this doesn’t mean you have to agree or change the point you are trying to make, it just makes them feel like they are an even playing field and are able to be heard too.
Make sure not to:
- dominate the conversation
- jump in to fill silence
- interrupt when they are talking
If the conversation starts going sideways, reiterate the reason why you are having the conversation - to maintain mutual respect and problem solve so you can improve the relationship and both of your lives.
It’s okay to disappoint people
- set boundaries if you need to
Stick to your target - as you near the end of the conversation restate your point and offer a possible solution
- brainstorm steps together on how to achieve the solution
Ask questions to make sure they understood everything discussed

- Episode Sources -

Harvard Business Review - Two Thirds Of Managers Are Uncomfortable Communicating with Employees
Forbes - How To Have Difficult Conversations At Work
Oprah - How to Have a Hard Conversation in 7 Steps
Psychology Today - How to Have Difficult Conversations
Fatherly.com - Why Cars Are The Best Place to Have Tough Conversations with Kids
Parenting Across the Gap: Raising Teens in the 21st Century - By Famlily Pyschologist Fred Peipman, Ph.D.

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EPISODE 14: HOW ELLIA MARCUM FOUND HER STRENGTH TO DEAL WITH THE AMBIGUOUS LOSS OF HER FATHER, AN ALCOHOLIC MOTHER AND WORK THROUGH HER HUSBANDS MARITAL AFFAIR

Hello Friends and welcome back to the Is That Soh Podcast!

Today, I have invited mother, wife, daughter and certified mental health coach Ellia Marcum, to come on the podcast to tell us her life story of how she overcame extremely difficult circumstances and personal traumas.

I was first introduced to Ellia when she reached out to me to tell me her story of healing and growth after growing up with an alcoholic mother, experiencing the ambiguous loss of her father, and battling through a betrayal trauma after her husband had a marital affair.

I knew as she ended her story and began to tell me about the reasons why she started her company Mood|Well, that she needed to come on the podcast because much like Myles story in Episode 11, hearing someone be so open, honest and self aware gives us all the courage to face our own personal shame and trauma; and I want to continue to empower this community to talk about what they are going through and express themselves so that we can all overcome barriers holding us back from finding our true purpose and source of happiness. So, here we are!

Ellia Marcum is a Certified Professional Life Coach, a support group facilitator through A Door of Hope, and Mental Health First Responder and Coach. She owns and operated her own business, Mood|Well, where she helps women heal and cope from mental illness and life crises through one-on-one sessions and support groups.

Also, special thanks to Mattias Friberg for composing the music for this podcast and perfecting my sound!

I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I did! Feel free to leave your thought below!